The Book Review #10: Lies our Mothers Told Us

 Author: Nilanjana Bhowmick

Genre: Non Fiction, Feminism

Publisher: Aleph Book Company

Pages: 243

Year of Publication: 2022

Mode of Reading: Hardbound Book

Disclaimer 1: This book or its review is not for the soft hearted.

Disclaimer 2: Not all men are bad and not all women are angels/victims. Read it with a pinch of salt and understand that whatever is written still exists.

"I thought my mother had it all. It was a lie. She made me believe that the world would be a fairer, more equal place for women when I grew up—she told me that I could have it all. That was a lie, too."

Did you know that Indian women are amongst the most overworked in the world.A 2019 survey reports that women in our country shoulder 82 percent of the domestic work and 28 percent of caregiving while men shoulder 28 percent of domestic work and 14 percent of caregiving. This is one of the many hard hitting realities which you will find in this book.

Living in our shell, the narrative may seem biased and bent towards proving the oppressive condition of women still existing in the society. What we fail to understand is that at several levels the societal construct is still flawed. Domestic violence, mental abuse, marital rape, lack of safety of women is still prelevant around us. In some cases, we choose to turn a blind eye to it thinking it's none of our business and in many cases we are oblivious to the fact that such things are rampant just because it may not be happening in our niche circle.

This 200 page odd book is a reminder that from the purview of the outside society, we have tended to display a modern behavior, getting basic education for our daughters, asking her to become financially independent and stable but little do we do to train our sons to adapt to the change as well. We are trying to produce a generation of super women who are high performers at work and adept at household chores, while ensuring they have an active hobby as well. This book is a reminder that in the garb of Feminism and Modernisation of India, women have several rights on paper but no or little support to exercise them. “We tend to wear short skirts to a club, but prefer to cover up when traveling alone or using public transport. We think twice before accepting a job that involves a night shift. We are constantly reminded to be on the phone with a friend or a family member if in a cab alone in the evening”

The author talks about bleak truths: the effectiveness of right to education and its parallelism to the number of girl dropouts from school to support their mothers in the field or household chores, suicide & dowry related deaths due to marriage, female foeticide, the limited  role of fathers in the household and many more such topics. Did you know, around 21 women die everyday in India owing to dowry related harassment. They are either murdered or compelled to kill themselves. The chapters Why women stay in bad marriages and why women are missing from public spaces are nothing less than an eye opener for both men and women. The author narrates true accounts of women where inequality is embraced in the garb of gender roles, explores government's role in the implementation of Right to Education, Beti Bachao Beti Padhao Scheme, the concept of Pradhan Pati, and exemplifies women’s role in social causes and many more practices about which we may or may not be aware of.

This book brings to the forefront many issues which we do not discuss in the society or at home since it may be considered too rebellious. The feminist movement has left behind several middle class women whose struggles are invisible, whose needs and plight should be addressed.The author concludes with a ray of hope stating things are changing for the good. Women are trying to come out of bad marriages, sons are being raised as compassionate and girls are being raised as passionate and independent.

Still there is a long way to go before the society moves out of its patriarchal nature if it could ever happen. A simple writing style makes this book easy to read, it takes some time to grasp the hard hitting numbers and anecdotes and plethora of topics covered. A must read for all men and women but with an OPEN MIND and ability to digest the truth.